The questions from the field…
Where your cracked-open questions meet flesh-and-blood truth.
You bring the raw, tangled knots about reclaiming beauty: body shame, systemic mirrors, stolen radiance. I bring the somatic archaeology. Together, we dig past the lies capitalism etched in our nervous systems, unearthing the beauty that lives outside of extraction.
Ask fiercely. I answer with love and scalpel, dissecting how power poisons perception while lighting pathways back to your unapologetic truth. Your body’s wisdom is the only compass we need.
Dear Ruby (Reclaim Your BeautY)…
Stop Blaming Men Part 2: Why Focus on Women? Aren’t We All in This Together?
I read your response about patriarchy and the feminine nervous system. But I still don’t get it! Why make this so gendered? Aren’t you just dividing people more? Shouldn’t we focus on everyone’s healing, not just women’s?
Feeling Judged (and Hot) at 63: Beauty, Freedom, and the Grandmother Makeover
A 63-year-old woman writes in after a Grandmother Makeover—feeling more alive, sensual, and beautiful than ever. In this Dear Ruby letter, we explore what true reclamation means: not judging women’s choices, but asking whether they’re rooted in fear or freedom…
The Compliments Stopped: Reclaiming Beauty After the Gaze Fades
You’re not crazy for missing the compliments. You’re human. When society stops calling women beautiful past a certain age, the silence can feel like grief. Neuroscience even proves it. External validation lights up the same part of the brain as belonging. So of course it stings when…
Why is watching porn better than being with me?
His computer was open, so I looked at the screen and saw he was watching porn. I couldn’t help myself… I checked his history. He watches a lot of porn. I mean hours a day, even on days I know we had sex. I have so many feelings about this… but the deepest is this crushing sense of rejection, like I’m not beautiful enough…
Why do systems of harm seem to persist no matter how much we protest, heal, or “raise awareness”?
Why do systems of harm like kyriarchy, Wetiko, and sexual abuse energy seem to persist no matter how much we protest, heal, or “raise awareness”? Is this just human nature, or is there something deeper, maybe even designed, keeping all this in place?
Can we please stop blaming men?
First, thanks for saying what a lot of people are probably thinking. “Decolonize the feminine nervous system from the patriarchy”??!? It sounds like something you’d see spray-painted on the wall of a Women’s Studies department. So, let’s break it down together (no burning of bras required)…
He said he loves me deeply but struggles to find me attractive…
As my children grow more independent, I’m trying to rekindle intimacy with my husband of twenty years. The other day he said he loves me deeply but struggles to find me attractive… he sees me more as a caregiver…
I don’t feel beautiful anymore…
First, let me honor the courage it takes to name this. To say, “Something about beauty hurts.” You’re not alone and thank you for speaking what so many women feel but rarely voice. To reclaim beauty is to…